Murmurs

I feel a different kind of sadness today. The sort that won’t leave no matter how hard I’ve diverted my thoughts into work. And now I resort to writing about it. Recognition is a sweet surrender to this “thing” as it finally gets thrown into the air and earns an identity somehow for now I am forced to name it.

Triggering pt

It started when I read an e-mail from a dear friend. Many times, our exchanges were limited to family, best practices on motherhood and parenting and our respective work. Our closeness started way back in 1999, we were both involve with agricultural research and development at the prestigious SEARCA.

She sent me a forwarded message about the Philippines, on why it has now became a not-so-hot country. I believe that the not-so-hot list has generated the same breed of feelings from the both of us since we’re used to thinking the same.

We share a similar bond and a passion to build our lives and future around and for this country. We remind ourselves of this, more than a responsibility but a commitment, as my History 1 Professor puts it - we are UP students, a privilege made possible by the Filipino taxpayers. I believed him and so does my friend and we take it seriously that our talents and knowledge would always be utilized properly and appropriately for the country. Of course, I am not talking about world peace and total eradication of poverty but at least something close to it, something to contribute.

“Not-so-hot” list

I’ve read the not-so-hot list and felt a stab of pain. I wanted to agree with some, I also felt strongly against the other points. However I was taken aback by the last point which went like this - the Philippines is a country where everybody wants to get the hell out of it.

Cruel and true

It’s a cruel statement but it‘s partly true. Statistics indicate that we are one of the highest in the world as source of immigrants for popular countries in the OECD*. Personally, I have plenty of friends and relatives who found better jobs and lives in a foreign land. And now this “thing” is disturbing me.

Honestly, I am beginning to entertain the possibility of exploring the horizon on the basis of a desire for a sound environment – social, political and natural- not only for myself but also for my family. I am hesitant with this idea of pursuing long-term security for it makes me feel like I am turning my back on my country. My husband has a different perspective on this; he says that being a Filipino is not confined to the geographical boundaries of the Philippines. More than our birthright, we become Filipinos from our personal and genuine decision to be one.

I may feel like packing my bags too and its tough and its breaking my heart into pieces.

*Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development