Belisa learns...

You can never tell who will be there for you, in times of need or during occasional lows in your life. The friends you expect to be there for some reason may also be as lost as you are while someone you thought indifferent, unexpectedly appears with a ready hand and a listening ear. When the people you used to have a good time with either at work and after work are all gone, you just have to make some difficult decisions and live by it. You either continue working or continue being sour, hence, it is a matter of choice. Most importantly, you can only rely on yourself and your ability to look at the picture differently from the way bitten people have marred it.

And so I say, gone is Belisa the hermit, she needs to reconnect with other humans, she can’t live in a cave. Like all of them, she needs to move on too, afterall, it was she who was given the most daunting role, to stay and survive a bleak situation or was it really even bleak?
When written in Chinese, the word "crisis" is composed of two characters. One represents danger and the other represents opportunity. - John F. Kennedy

Photo: www.dreamtime.com

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Encounters with the 3rd Kind

Move over dark cloud, I am turning the wheels of my blog from its gloomy direction as I write about something hilarious for a change like my brief and surprise encounters with former chums, classmates and friends. I observed that you can read people during their unguarded moments, from congeniality to nonchalance, I’ve witnessed a lot and waiting for more.

One day a beautiful lady came near me while I stood in a queue with my friend Violet in a convenience store. I felt the girl’s eyes burning on the side of my face when she couldn’t resist the chance and blurted out, “Excuse me miss, are you from UPLB?“ I looked at her while scanning my memory banks fast, I honestly did not recognize her and worse, I couldn’t get the name. I worked my mind out until I managed while nodding, “Uy sis ka ni Earl (Earl was my high school classmate). The girl was my classmate in a number of electives (crop science, agronomy) back in college. She leaned forward to give me a peck on the cheek and a brief hug. Of course I did not resist this act of warmth from a pretty lady like her, I could only smile while I faltered again in my mind for her name. I guess she was fumbling too on the name game. “Where do you work now?” was her second question and I gave her my answer and tossed the same query. After her response, she pursued for the work location and I said, “I work at the Petri Dish Building along Almonds Avenue.” She exclaimed, “Hey I just work at the Flasks Building along Almonds too!” I then added, “Your building is just across our museum err… office.” I was affable with this girl, we were having a conversation and I really like her now.

Winking at my tummy, she followed a question, “Uy buntis ka?” I was smiling when I said, “No, I’m just chubby.” She was very brave and continued, “Uy… buntis ka no?” Usually when people become privy at the wrong time and place, I easily ignite into a fiery version of myself. However I wondered why I only answered back, “No I am not. I just have exercise-challenged abs here, FYI, I already have 2 kids.” My friend Violet at this point was already throwing glances at my long-lost girlfriend, the look seem to say “one more word on the pregnancy thing and you’ll get kicked on the butt.” I am really a sucker for pleasantries especially the ones seasoned with hugs and kisses for I did not get irritated with this lovely but lost girl. At least I did not carry the burden of embarrassment as she appeared to be frozen on the spot and about to put her fist inside her mouth. She doesn’t deserve to be punished for an honest mistake, doesn’t she? I care less for we even exchanged mobile numbers and yes we’re texting.

Another unforgettable encounter was with a cold-blooded classmate working in a hospital. When I gave birth to my first born at the MMC in 2004, hubby was scared out of his wits with my labor show running for 3 days. During the registration, he got some of my personal information mixed up so we were required by the admitting office to get the information fixed prior to the birth registration of our baby. So we went to the admitting section of the hospital and I found myself face to face with a former classmate in high school. She attended to our requirements like she was dealing with a stranger. There was no trace of friendly connection which caused my graciousness to be superseded with frankness and I said, “Ano ka ba Nigella, hindi mo ba talaga ako nakikilala eh magkaklase tayo nung h-school saka andyan naman sa record mo yung pangalan ko.” Translate: Get a grip girl! Stop this play-pretend that we don’t know each other, it’s so pathetic and by the way, hi!

Then there was also this another tricky one, we almost bumped into each other at the Galleria, she was wearing eyeglasses that didn’t work I suspect as I found my smile fading when she gave a sharp stare in exchange. She used to be a fair and sweet young girl in high school, a former classmate who happens to sit behind my seat in 4th year high. She’s changed with that pompous air she wore like an elephant pretending to be a bird. The surprise did not end there because after a few months, I got an invitation from her in my social networking account. What?!?

Not all my brief encounters were hostile though, I have a bunch of former classmates and friends reconnected with again like the one I bumped into while shopping for shoes when I heard her voice out of the blue. Daffodil was as glad as I was for the unexpected meeting that she treated me to dinner. There was also one friend in college, a classmate in my tennis class, who was as jovial and as gracious. Like they say, it is not how you make friends but how you stay friends, time and attitude spells the difference. It’s not difficult to spot which one is a keeper or a loser. Another one important lesson is to keep a Samurai handy in case someone suspects me again for being more than chubby err … (take note, the politically correct term is) “weight-challenged”.

Source: www.istockphoto.com

Horrific tales in the city

I have been suppressing this insistent voice within me and no amount of brooding could ever convince me otherwise. I’m beginning to lose my faith in the goodness of people. I used to believe on the inherent kindness of men towards his own kind. I look back and realize the stark difference: What have we become, have we evolved from a critical mass to an indifferent majority that we care less about the basic codes of a civilized society?

You may ride but…

My bottled-up frustration is taking the better of me. Yesterday my fiery temper was ignited as I reprimanded a taxi driver who refused to take me from Megamall to Greenhills. This is not an isolated case of discourtesy; I have been repeatedly refused to board taxis by these impolite drivers even as a pregnant woman.

One particular case took place last year as I boarded a taxi in the Ultra area after attending the office’s sportsfest. I got interviewed by this arrogant driver who halted his cab upon learning of my destination and began hollering on the (perceived) terrible traffic in Ortigas and Shaw. I did not budge that moment; I berated him for his rudeness for he seems oblivious of my protruding belly. The discussion was getting nowhere and having realized that I wasted my time, I got out of the cab. I have reported three incidents including this case to the DOTC through e-mail and text and I never heard any feedback on my complaints. The driver was never punished - he is one abusive, gender insensitive, scott free brute tolerated by our weak governance system.

You may enter but…

The other day, an inspection of my belongings nearly transformed me into Ms. Grumpy again. This lady guard in the mall readily shoves her hand inside my backpack even before I could fully open it. She begun squeezing and clutching the contents of my bag. It took great effort restraining myself to tell her, “Do I look like your regular terrorist? If I had a bomb I wouldn’t put it inside my accessory kit that’s too predictable. I’m going to stash it somewhere else,” instead I adamantly ordered her to stop touching my things for she was overdoing it. She only looked at me and replied, “Thank you Ma’am!” and did not apologize for the inconvenience she has caused.

You may have these free items but…

While waiting inside a mall, I saw this young couple being pursued by a man in black suit and tie. The Dad was carrying his squirming toddler while the Mom was hauling a giant baby bag. From a distant, it was clear that the young couple were now swayed into the agent’s ultimate agenda of selling insurance to them instead of being provided with the freebies indicated in the promotional ad handed earlier.

I do not really understand this marketing/ promotional strategy taking place in malls. Personally, I look at it as a deception scheme to unsuspecting mall-goers, to be lured into purchasing something you haven’t even planned for and using free give-away items as bait. What is wrong with honest and no-frills marketing? You offer a product and it advantages. The customer, without pressure or false claims from the seller, shall decide if he makes a sale or not.

I could go on ranting about these cases of incivility, some may even sound trivial; the point is, it says a lot about the prevailing values that most of our countrymen have and it’s quite disappointing. Having said that, I still hope that I am wrong.

Toxic

At some point in our lives we experience some form of cruelty in the hands of the people that ought to care for us. Our circumstances or context may vary and degree of how we felt its fangs gnaw on our wounds, the common factor is pain.

On second thought, pain could be a good instrument because it causes one to pause, contemplate and change direction.

One important lesson I have reaped from my interaction with these abominable creatures, which included former friends and colleagues and even relatives, is to accept these people the way they are for it takes a village to raise a child, these people just can’t help it; they were wired that way by their own unique society.

I call them “toxic” people and ridding them off one’s system is the best coping mechanism I have acquired through years of dealing with them.

Toxic (tok-sik) adj. 1. of or caused by poison. 2. Poisonous.(Reference: Oxford American Dictionary)

In this context, toxic people are good at betraying people who trust them. They feed you with poison words and if you let them get through you, they may seep and contaminate your blood. Remember you are your own person. Other people’s words and their perception of you only matter when you cooperate with them. Never endorse it.

Toxic people bear the following qualities:

1. They think they are better than the rest of us.
2. They never owe an apology nor explanation for a mistake that have caused hurt or that have compromise another person's integrity.
3. They tell you what you can and cannot do.
4. They are self-centered.
5. They need you only when they need you.
6. They are naturally vile.

Get rid of them and live light!

Grumble

I am more than what meets the eye! I am more than my 5’1’’, 140 lb frame! If only I could blurt this out to the next person giving me a physical appraisal without my consent. What is wrong with people nowadays? Gone were the days when a simple hello was enough to start a genuine conversation. It seems like most people have turned out to be acerbic and rude. Sometimes I restrain myself from barking back “Why comment, you have metamorphosed into an ugly beast yourself!" … or curtly, “You’ve grown hideous!”…or more simply put, “You’re ugly!”

It really irks me when someone, an acquaintance for instance, takes full liberty to do an evaluation and run down on my weight gain. This is my body, no matter what size it is, it served me well. I’ve been up and healthy for the past 29 years and it has produced me a child and again is accommodating another one. Why does it matter to others that you are not as slender as you were 10 years ago? Don’t they know a thing about bone structure, metabolism and stress eating? What about the size of your gray matter and what you have done to improve your humanity for the past 10 years? Doesn’t it count anymore?

During the renaissance, plump women were in! Their bodies were adored. Look at the paintings, plumpness symbolized beauty, fertility and prosperity. I know we are not in the renaissance but I am no fool- I am blunt but candid at the same time. Any person must be taken for what they are and not for how they look or how heavy or light they tip on the scales. Afterall, when we die, the Lord asks not how much you have or how heavy you’ve become but how you made out of your life on earth. Good luck then!