Okay I’ve moved on. I’m done grieving for Pres. Cory’s passing from this world but of course the inspiration she has stirred among us lingers. Her death affected multitudes and I’ve never felt my Pinoy blood flood my consciousness as vigorous as the way it did while witnessing the outpouring of love and respect for an icon of democracy. I hope these emotions would be translated into concrete manifestations of our love for our country’s gift of democracy. I hope that we would all take the responsibility of keeping it unscathed and protected.
Showing posts with label courage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label courage. Show all posts
07 September 2009
20 August 2008
Murmurs
I feel a different kind of sadness today. The sort that won’t leave no matter how hard I’ve diverted my thoughts into work. And now I resort to writing about it. Recognition is a sweet surrender to this “thing” as it finally gets thrown into the air and earns an identity somehow for now I am forced to name it.
Triggering pt
It started when I read an e-mail from a dear friend. Many times, our exchanges were limited to family, best practices on motherhood and parenting and our respective work. Our closeness started way back in 1999, we were both involve with agricultural research and development at the prestigious SEARCA.
She sent me a forwarded message about the Philippines, on why it has now became a not-so-hot country. I believe that the not-so-hot list has generated the same breed of feelings from the both of us since we’re used to thinking the same.
We share a similar bond and a passion to build our lives and future around and for this country. We remind ourselves of this, more than a responsibility but a commitment, as my History 1 Professor puts it - we are UP students, a privilege made possible by the Filipino taxpayers. I believed him and so does my friend and we take it seriously that our talents and knowledge would always be utilized properly and appropriately for the country. Of course, I am not talking about world peace and total eradication of poverty but at least something close to it, something to contribute.
“Not-so-hot” list
I’ve read the not-so-hot list and felt a stab of pain. I wanted to agree with some, I also felt strongly against the other points. However I was taken aback by the last point which went like this - the Philippines is a country where everybody wants to get the hell out of it.
Cruel and true
It’s a cruel statement but it‘s partly true. Statistics indicate that we are one of the highest in the world as source of immigrants for popular countries in the OECD*. Personally, I have plenty of friends and relatives who found better jobs and lives in a foreign land. And now this “thing” is disturbing me.
Honestly, I am beginning to entertain the possibility of exploring the horizon on the basis of a desire for a sound environment – social, political and natural- not only for myself but also for my family. I am hesitant with this idea of pursuing long-term security for it makes me feel like I am turning my back on my country. My husband has a different perspective on this; he says that being a Filipino is not confined to the geographical boundaries of the Philippines. More than our birthright, we become Filipinos from our personal and genuine decision to be one.
I may feel like packing my bags too and its tough and its breaking my heart into pieces.
*Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development
13 September 2007
Rain-sealed Memories
Whenever it rains, good memories leak out of my head as follows:
The Nest
Sounds mundane but sleeping in my parent’s bedroom on cold and stormy nights is a well-cherished family moment for me. Whenever a strong typhoon comes to town, my mother gathers her children to sleep in the master’s bedroom. I did not mind sleeping on a mat on the floor while the youngest got the extra bed as long as I have the whole family with me. Mama might just be responding to her nesting instinct but it sure left a mark on me. Now I have a family of my own and live miles away from them, nevertheless the binding assurance produced by a strong parental presence remains.
The Rain Shower
Whenever it rains, I remember my grandmother assume her playful side contrary to the disciplinarian mode she is known for. She allows me and my cousins to go out and play in the rain. Thank God for this process called precipitation! Fresh water droplets falling from the clouds like there was no tomorrow. I consider it the best child-recreational experience for all time.
The Bobbsey Twins
Here’s a geeky confession: I and my grade school best fri
end once shared a little crime in school when we discovered and hoarded a box of Laura Lee Hope’s children’s novel series “The Bobbsey Twins.” The sight of a big dusty box containing hardbound Bobbsey twins books, abandoned in the bowels of our school’s antiquated library made us feel like millionaires. With great excitement, we inspected our loot like we never held or seen a book before. I remember the dusty smell and yellowing pages yearning to be read. We felt sorry for Bert, Nan, Freddie and Flossie since the borrower’s card of most indicated only 1 or 2 readers while the rest were never opened. We speculated the unpopularity of the series lead to its lonely state in the dark little corner where we found it.
We kept those books until we read each and every piece of it and even re-read our favorites to our heart’s content. While we were in the thick of the “Bobbsey Twins reading marathon,” we both sported large eyebags in school and had a contented grin plastered on our faces. I fondly recall reading most of these detective series during cold rainy evenings. Sad though, these books were only for reading and not for keeping.
The Second Home
I stayed with my grandmother for 6 years, thus, it never occurred to me to get homesick when I entered college. I felt so sure I could handle it, from the long travel to "claiming my space" in the dormitory alone- I got it done. After a month of parentless bliss, the sense that you are indeed alone in a strange place begun to manifest into sullenness. Tired of sulking, I embraced my independence which opened my eyes to the beautiful possibilities that my second home has to offer. I love UPLB. It is sprawling home to majestic trees, endemic plants and flowers, impressive architecture and freethinkers. It is most beautiful after the rain. It has done more than just clothe me with knowledge and ideals, it contributed a lot to what a person I am today.
The Friendliest Office
I never had great set of friends as the ones I’ve met and kept during my first job stint for a lady senator. These wonderful friends (who need not be named) are the “bestest”. We all together went through the pains, freshly-pluck-from-college idealists, have to endure as soon as we set foot into the jungle. It was much easier experiencing life’s biting realities when you’ve got company. I’m glad I had them. Most unforgettable deed was touring all floors of the building, we were headquartered at the 5th floor, during an extended power interruption with the hard rain sloshing outside and inside. With the carpets soaked in water and the building in the dark, we felt trapped but happy. We even wished for the massive structure to be swallowed by the sea since it stood by Manila Bay so there would be - No more papers! No more work! No more bosses and dirty looks!
The Sign
I am not superstitious but I have my way of reading hints. This happened during my first semester at graduate school. It was a bad case of a sudden rainy afternoon. My class ended and I waited for some time and still the rain has forgotten to stop. My boyfriend called me up, informing me that he will get me home because Manila was getting flooded. The rain was unbelievable, it got stronger as it poured more. I called my boyfriend back so we could meet someplace else outside the campus. I made my way to our meeting place where I waited again. It was already late in the evening, I was becoming impatient, worried and hungry. I couldn’t touch the food I ordered, normally it would take 45 minutes to get from his office to our meeting place during traffic. I prayed for the rain to calm down and for him to arrive safely. After a minute of deep thought I unconsciously turned my head to the right and saw him in a corner frantically waving at me in the crowd. I saw him drenched all over. I went out of the store to meet him and he recounted his series of unfortunate events just to get to me. I married him 3 years later.
The Nest
Sounds mundane but sleeping in my parent’s bedroom on cold and stormy nights is a well-cherished family moment for me. Whenever a strong typhoon comes to town, my mother gathers her children to sleep in the master’s bedroom. I did not mind sleeping on a mat on the floor while the youngest got the extra bed as long as I have the whole family with me. Mama might just be responding to her nesting instinct but it sure left a mark on me. Now I have a family of my own and live miles away from them, nevertheless the binding assurance produced by a strong parental presence remains.
The Rain Shower
Whenever it rains, I remember my grandmother assume her playful side contrary to the disciplinarian mode she is known for. She allows me and my cousins to go out and play in the rain. Thank God for this process called precipitation! Fresh water droplets falling from the clouds like there was no tomorrow. I consider it the best child-recreational experience for all time.
The Bobbsey Twins
Here’s a geeky confession: I and my grade school best fri
end once shared a little crime in school when we discovered and hoarded a box of Laura Lee Hope’s children’s novel series “The Bobbsey Twins.” The sight of a big dusty box containing hardbound Bobbsey twins books, abandoned in the bowels of our school’s antiquated library made us feel like millionaires. With great excitement, we inspected our loot like we never held or seen a book before. I remember the dusty smell and yellowing pages yearning to be read. We felt sorry for Bert, Nan, Freddie and Flossie since the borrower’s card of most indicated only 1 or 2 readers while the rest were never opened. We speculated the unpopularity of the series lead to its lonely state in the dark little corner where we found it.We kept those books until we read each and every piece of it and even re-read our favorites to our heart’s content. While we were in the thick of the “Bobbsey Twins reading marathon,” we both sported large eyebags in school and had a contented grin plastered on our faces. I fondly recall reading most of these detective series during cold rainy evenings. Sad though, these books were only for reading and not for keeping.
The Second Home
I stayed with my grandmother for 6 years, thus, it never occurred to me to get homesick when I entered college. I felt so sure I could handle it, from the long travel to "claiming my space" in the dormitory alone- I got it done. After a month of parentless bliss, the sense that you are indeed alone in a strange place begun to manifest into sullenness. Tired of sulking, I embraced my independence which opened my eyes to the beautiful possibilities that my second home has to offer. I love UPLB. It is sprawling home to majestic trees, endemic plants and flowers, impressive architecture and freethinkers. It is most beautiful after the rain. It has done more than just clothe me with knowledge and ideals, it contributed a lot to what a person I am today.
The Friendliest Office
I never had great set of friends as the ones I’ve met and kept during my first job stint for a lady senator. These wonderful friends (who need not be named) are the “bestest”. We all together went through the pains, freshly-pluck-from-college idealists, have to endure as soon as we set foot into the jungle. It was much easier experiencing life’s biting realities when you’ve got company. I’m glad I had them. Most unforgettable deed was touring all floors of the building, we were headquartered at the 5th floor, during an extended power interruption with the hard rain sloshing outside and inside. With the carpets soaked in water and the building in the dark, we felt trapped but happy. We even wished for the massive structure to be swallowed by the sea since it stood by Manila Bay so there would be - No more papers! No more work! No more bosses and dirty looks!
The Sign
I am not superstitious but I have my way of reading hints. This happened during my first semester at graduate school. It was a bad case of a sudden rainy afternoon. My class ended and I waited for some time and still the rain has forgotten to stop. My boyfriend called me up, informing me that he will get me home because Manila was getting flooded. The rain was unbelievable, it got stronger as it poured more. I called my boyfriend back so we could meet someplace else outside the campus. I made my way to our meeting place where I waited again. It was already late in the evening, I was becoming impatient, worried and hungry. I couldn’t touch the food I ordered, normally it would take 45 minutes to get from his office to our meeting place during traffic. I prayed for the rain to calm down and for him to arrive safely. After a minute of deep thought I unconsciously turned my head to the right and saw him in a corner frantically waving at me in the crowd. I saw him drenched all over. I went out of the store to meet him and he recounted his series of unfortunate events just to get to me. I married him 3 years later.
Acknowledgements:
University of the Philippines Los Banos (UPLB) Photo, compliments of Mr. Gino T. Manalastas; www.manalastas.net
The Bobbsey Twins’ The Secret at the Seashore, http://the-forum.com
12 July 2007
The Rain and my Dinosaur Umbrella
A man who has nothing for which he is willing to fight, nothing which is more important than his own personal safety, is a miserable creature and has no chance of being free unless made and kept so by the exertions of better men than himself." John Stuart Mill
As I stepped out of the building, rain was pouring hard from the dark sky and emerald avenue was barely visible to my poor eyesight. I breathe out a deep sigh of retreat. I calmly kept myself from turning back inside the building despite the strong impulse to ride its elevator and punch the 7th button -- run back to my office--to my cluttered desk and hug my PC. I wish I have stayed longer with “Bumble-bee” and accepted her invitation to grab a snack and exchange office blues but I wanted to get home early.
My hubby called in sick today so I lost my privilege of being picked-up for a free ride home on a rainy Tuesday. He is a workaholic. I smiled at recalling his quip about working hard to keep me and our 2 kids chubbily-healthy. At that instant I visualized him with our 2 babies huddled in bed watching Cars or Nemo or Shrek. I felt envious that I wished to be teleported home immediately.
Perfect! I had my new flats on. It’s not that pricey but I just don’t want them soaking wet this early. Poor thing for now they will have to endure both my weight and the rain and my foolishness as well.
Standing in the building’s entrance, I was caught between the cold rain and the temporary shade provided by the facade. I needed to make a quick decision and I resolved to walk through the heavy downpour with only a dinosaur umbrella. I felt the chilly wind biting my skin piercing through my clothes. Much price to pay for rushing in the morning to get to the office, I have forgotten my coat again. I wanted to scold myself but too late I was halfway to the sidewalk with hasty strides.
I look back and saw this lonely young woman sitting under this big cafe umbrella waiting for the rain to stop. She had this sad and tired expression on her face. She also looked very impatient. On the nearby building, people were crowding its entrance, waiting, cursing and smoking under their big umbrellas. “Hey no takers, only me and my dinosaur umbrella!” I struggled to keep balance with my mailbag wrapped on me, I run the risk of looking like a fool with a twisted umbrella as a sword against the strong wind and rain.
Before I could even begin my silent prayer for a taxi to drop from the heavens, a cab appeared on my side. It was no-Optimus Prime but it looked just as grand. I got inside the cab without much ado (not even a query on my destination from the driver.) I saw the young woman under the big umbrella crane her neck in disbelief that I boarded a cab without much effort.
If I turned back inside the building, I will be one rotting soul sitting in front of my computer monitor, busy with killing time and waiting for the stubborn rain to end. If I stayed behind I would have miss coming home to my excited and still awake children. If I procrastinated getting home due to the rains then I would not have this happy disposition at the moment. Too happy that I got to write about it and had it posted here.
As I stepped out of the building, rain was pouring hard from the dark sky and emerald avenue was barely visible to my poor eyesight. I breathe out a deep sigh of retreat. I calmly kept myself from turning back inside the building despite the strong impulse to ride its elevator and punch the 7th button -- run back to my office--to my cluttered desk and hug my PC. I wish I have stayed longer with “Bumble-bee” and accepted her invitation to grab a snack and exchange office blues but I wanted to get home early.
My hubby called in sick today so I lost my privilege of being picked-up for a free ride home on a rainy Tuesday. He is a workaholic. I smiled at recalling his quip about working hard to keep me and our 2 kids chubbily-healthy. At that instant I visualized him with our 2 babies huddled in bed watching Cars or Nemo or Shrek. I felt envious that I wished to be teleported home immediately.
Perfect! I had my new flats on. It’s not that pricey but I just don’t want them soaking wet this early. Poor thing for now they will have to endure both my weight and the rain and my foolishness as well.
Standing in the building’s entrance, I was caught between the cold rain and the temporary shade provided by the facade. I needed to make a quick decision and I resolved to walk through the heavy downpour with only a dinosaur umbrella. I felt the chilly wind biting my skin piercing through my clothes. Much price to pay for rushing in the morning to get to the office, I have forgotten my coat again. I wanted to scold myself but too late I was halfway to the sidewalk with hasty strides.
I look back and saw this lonely young woman sitting under this big cafe umbrella waiting for the rain to stop. She had this sad and tired expression on her face. She also looked very impatient. On the nearby building, people were crowding its entrance, waiting, cursing and smoking under their big umbrellas. “Hey no takers, only me and my dinosaur umbrella!” I struggled to keep balance with my mailbag wrapped on me, I run the risk of looking like a fool with a twisted umbrella as a sword against the strong wind and rain.
Before I could even begin my silent prayer for a taxi to drop from the heavens, a cab appeared on my side. It was no-Optimus Prime but it looked just as grand. I got inside the cab without much ado (not even a query on my destination from the driver.) I saw the young woman under the big umbrella crane her neck in disbelief that I boarded a cab without much effort.
If I turned back inside the building, I will be one rotting soul sitting in front of my computer monitor, busy with killing time and waiting for the stubborn rain to end. If I stayed behind I would have miss coming home to my excited and still awake children. If I procrastinated getting home due to the rains then I would not have this happy disposition at the moment. Too happy that I got to write about it and had it posted here.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)