Finding Courage

When one is lost, you find meaning through words of other people.  I found one that immensely affected me, so great that it would be a sin not to share his words.  To Steve Kroschel, thank you, I found solace and courage in the wisdom of your words.

Excerpts from Dying to have Known by Steve Kroschel

For each of us eventually, whether we're ready or not, someday, it will come to an end.

There will be no more sunrises, no minutes, hours or days.

All the things you collected, whether treasured or forgotten, will pass to someone else.

Your wealth, fame, and temporal power will shrivel to irrelevance.

It will not matter what you owned or owed.  Your grudges, resentments, frustrations and jealousies will finally disappear.  

So too your hopes, ambitions, plans and to-do list will expire.

The wins and losses that once seemed so important will fade away.

It won't matter where you came from, or on what side of the tracks you lived at the end.

It won't matter if you're beautiful or brilliant, even your gender and skin color will be irrelevant.

So what will matter?  How will the value of your days be measured?

What will matter is not what you bought, but what you built, not what you got, but what you gave.

What will matter is not your success, but your significance.

What will matter is not what you learned, but what you taught.

What will matter is every act of integrity, compassion, courage, or sacrifice that enriched, empowered or encouraged others to emulate your example.

What will matter is not your competence, but your character.

What will matter is not how many people you knew, but how many will feel a lasting loss when you're gone.

What will matter is not your memories, but the memories that live in those who loved you.

What will matter is how long you will be remembered by whom, and for what.

A life lived that matters is not of circumstance, but of choice.

 

Leap of Faith

Source:  mightymag.org

I inched my way back to the work grinder for 12 days and now I am faced with a life-changing decision.  I am quitting it.  I figure that this may not be for me.  It’s like a vicious cycle where I pour every single minute of my time and effort while I stay away from home like more than 12 hours a day and sometimes even 24 hours straight just to prove that nothing’s going to fall under my watch.   Robbing me of the quality time I should have spent with my children.  It’s only a never ending dilemma until I allow to be imprisoned with the thought that this is how I should live.  Plenty of time to work and a morsel of time to spare for those who deserve and need it most.  Life is short.  No one is indispensable.  The company can change you anytime but your family, they are always present and patiently waiting for you to make the right decision.  Today, I am making mine.  It’s not going to be easy.  I need to make my share in the family income pie but I am going to make this big decision work in my favour.  And I know I will find a way to make it work just as I have found ways to make things work for the companies I worked for. 

I am not alone.  The Lord heard my prayer.

One day I'll fly away...

Sulkily yours

My pretty porch calls

For morning coffee and email scroll

For 5 minutes I sat

Then suddenly

Is that Piolo? Wee!

I did a double take but

T’was my undies wearing neighbor

Bolting from his gate into the street

In awesome glory (he thought)

But I beg to disagree

What?! Why?! Yikes!!!

Turning purple I stopped myself from screaming 

“Please sir take time to cover

Stop wearing your tummy like a 6 pack ab

You’re underpants street party is over!

Put some clothes on

Save your poor neighbors

Spare those squirming in silence.”

Bye my pretty porch!

I raced back to my house into the study

Coffee cold... bitter...email stalled...reloading...

HMP!

Value yourself

COPYRIGHT PURPLE SCRIBBLING

Have you ever felt like floating in space?  I do for almost everyday since July.  No more struggling, its better this way, I just went with the flow of events.  I know myself and I know where I stand.  It's useless putting up a fight for something that is not even worth fighting for.  Choose your battles they say, and so I chose mine.  

Its really odd that hard work this time did not work in my favor. The definition of hard work is relative from one person to another, it may be translated as perfecting a process or a system to build up a spectacular product or service while others only see hard work as equal to profit within an unreasonable time frame. 

We all have our own style in dealing with disappointments and abrupt changes in life.  Change is good for me and I am taking time to further float away and just let be.  I will not settle for less, I know my worth and I value myself. 

Hi!

I am almost home...

Another short note

Whew! I almost lost PS (this blog). I failed accessing it due to faulty memory and procrastination. My fault really, that's the trouble if you have more than 2 e-mails that you use alternately for other accounts. Another thing is I keep on forgetting about taking time to write, not an easy admittance since I've sworn to change this bad habit of mine which is not sticking to my internal schedules and TTDs. This scheduling habit and post-it addiction is not really working as the cruel work requirements and deadlines keep coming and its seems I am just wasting paper and ink listing my priorities but not actually honoring it. Again, I am repeating this to myself ...balance...balance...balance. Another admittance is I procrastinate a lot, I shelve ideas as fast as I conjure them in my mind. I am a nasty, self-editing, hard to please "writer" (i actually use the term OMG). So where do I begin now? Four months have passed without an entry...this is not good, I see reformatting this blog and start anew. Hi reader, if ever you are still there, would you mind sending some recommendations to this entry via the comments section. I really need intervention at this point. Stress has indeed drained whatever creativity or inspiration I had 4 months ago. Why did I ever allow it to happen? So much for sulking in my corner...I need to revive this blog ASAP. I am not giving up yet.

Self -reminders in a jiffy

Dream bigger dreams.

Be true to your core gifts.

Practice again and again and again.

Stay focus.

Listen to yourself.

Compassion.

Zeal.

Healthy amount of self-pride won't hurt.

Donate school supplies to Project Aral 2011

Being a crammer Mom, I dropped by NBS bestsellers (specialty store of National Book Store) at the Podium to finally commence my school supplies-buying duties. I had a long list of supplies, one each for Kit and Princess Peach, which I have forgotten inside my bag for a month. It was impossible for me to complete the 2 long lists in a matter of an hour as I have to go back to my office box. Hence, I prioritized the paper, envelop and art material requirements and still got lost with all types of papers, folders, envelops, and art tools available.

Upon paying my purchase, I was offered by the cashier to donate supplies to the Project Aral of the NBS Foundation. For the price of P 25, you get to buy 2 notebooks, a pencil and eraser; this is the Project Aral kit. You can put your name in the donated by space in the tag sticker. Of course I wrote the names of Kit and Peach on it as a way of sharing their blessings to others. A Project Aral dropbox is located near the store entrance or the main cash counter.

I wish I could provide more information about this project like feature the beneficiaries and how this project came to be for better appreciation but genuine sharing just happens. You just do it. So I invite everybody reading this note to support NBS’s Project Aral. Your donations will go a long way in helping children from less fortunate communities.

A message for Princess Peach

My little sweet daughter, hope you won’t grow so fast though I secretly wish sometimes you were the age when I can …

Bring you to a beauty salon with me where we can both pass time in idle chat while getting our toenails painted in bright purple though I’m quite sure you’ll prefer yours in green. I will always remember when I first brought you to such fancy place for your first haircut, I found you too cute for the haircutting chair. Sitting side by site together, you were too scared to let go of my hand while the hairdresser cut your hair short like mine. I just felt so content holding your hand that I froze that picture in my mind and wish again for you not to grow up fast.

Tag you in the mall and shop till we both drop from exhaustion literally. I admit that shopping for clothes is a waterloo (though I can score at shoe-shopping) and I’d love someone who would give sensible fashion advice. I wish you’d forgive your Mom for lacking these skills as I grew up with brothers in a mostly boys populated neighborhood. I did not get the chance to play dress-up nor had the privilege of a fashion magazine subscription. Just like the boys, I rode and fell from biking races under the 2 o'clock summer sun which makes me wonder why I tend to be upset when I come home from work and see your knee or leg get scraped a bit. I would even reprimand your Yaya for not being able to prevent it and be adamant about you wearing pjs in the afternoon to prevent insect bites and scratches from rough play.

Spend plenty of time with you in one of my favorite places in the country--- where else but Fully Booked -- we could let hours go by while browsing and having a hard time choosing, prioritizing which books to buy, authors to love, like, drop and love again. I hope you’d share my love for Gibran’s prose, Allende’s magic realism and Grisham’s legal thrillers while I look forward to hear about your favorites and choices. And also share my liking for paperproducts, those dainty notebooks and journals and bother to care for things like “Does its pages have the right level of smoothness to give the proper gliding effect when you write?” See your Mom is just as quirky as you are when I observed that you preferred writing using my colored gel pens over you jumbo pencil, no matter if it requires your tiny hand double effort to steady your grip.

Dear baby daughter though I wish for these things, my prayer remains the same that you won't grow too fast. Please let me enjoy it a little bit more.

Photo source: Nitendo

For a change

Okay just because people are running to the gym to re-start their fitness regimen and get back to their ever optimum shape I will have to make a dash as well to the nearest health club armed with the credit card and my acidic zeal, so acidic it could burn and punch a hole in my throat. Anyway I am not that and writing about my current weight and shape is not a favorite past time. I honestly detest it or I’m confused right now, I do not detest it rather I have been avoiding it like the plague for 3 years already and why?

Number 1, I am not a very healthy person. I have a spectacular diet, meaning to say I do not discriminate. What and when and how much I eat, I do not bother to think about. I reach for a dark chocolate bar when I am upset to calm myself. I bolt to the 7-11 store and buy a Gulp of soda when I am confronted with a pile of reading materials. My idea of healthy eating is opting for a grilled Brother’s burger and a tub of yoghurt ice cream with sweet toppings and all the works.

Number 2, I am a sedentary person. My only form of exercise is walking little distances and doing grocery. Though I play with my kids a lot during weekends, I hope laughing and acting childlike also burns calories. Climbing a flight of stairs has been quite a daunting feat, it makes my heart race so hard that I need to stop midway and catch my breath.

Number 3, I am a food addict (period).

I hope to change my unhealthy lifestyle, habit and orientation. They say, if you want something badly, you have to write about it so that the universe will take your words and conspire to help you make it happen. So this is my piece, my hope for a healthier me this 2011. It will not be easy and an overnight deal but I am taking it. I’m tired of carrying all this excess weight and tired of making excuses to friends who dare comment about my weight gain and I would wear my arrogant accent and scowl and say “I just gave birth to my baby girl” while referring to my daughter who is turning 4 years old next week. I’m tired of feeling guilty after enjoying a more than hearty meal with my family. I just want to free myself from this addiction and take control of it. My BMI is something that I wouldn’t dare put into print here. It scares me sometimes. I want to live until the time I get my chance to spoil my own grandchildren the way my kids are spoiled by my in-laws and parents. Please, I just want to be kinder to myself some more…

Okay then with all that has been said, any recommendations for some nice-looking but durable running shoes in the market? I intend to drop by the sports plaza later this afternoon. Well I hope this is not just to justify another shoe buying session… I’ll keep my fingers crossed.

Silver and Platinum

DB squinted through the heavily tinted window of the Mercedes which was parked in front of the Shrine, trying hard to get a glimpse of the girl in off-white gown inside. Fed up of the futile exercise, he walks off and looks around for familiar faces. Guests with smiling faces composed of family, relatives and friends were sprinkled here and there around the church. He bumps into their friend Bumblebee and he solicits for a cigarette to overcome the nervousness that was creeping inside as he felt the need to barf.

GM sat motionless rather than poised inside the car. She felt nothing of the knotted stomach, it was empty but she felt no hunger, only a long blank, and no fluttering butterflies inside. She touches her neck and suddenly feels worried; she forgot to wear the necklace her mother had given her as a wedding present.

DB looks at GM intently and takes her hand. He nervously puts the platinum bond on GM’s left ring finger. GM looks at him and recognizes that this person is indeed that one that brings calm to her turbulent nature. She traces his face and feels quite proud and wishes hard that their future children would inherit DB’s sovereign nose. She smiles some more as she sees DB’s hand, he still wore the old silver on his left ring finger, the one they used to sport as a new couple and he never took it off. And so his wedding ring was placed next to it. She then whispers to herself, “This is the best day of my life!”

Happy 7 years Bee! Thank you and I love you!

vivi, ama e ridi,

Whispered prayer

I choose to believe that I am going to hurdle whatever life throws at me. I know it’s going to be hard and sometimes painful but I choose to grit my teeth and go on. I believe that I am in the middle of a birthing process, tiring, arduous and excruciating, but there is something good coming out of it. I believe that this too shall pass.

I pray for more courage.

I pray for humility.

I pray for clarity of the mind.

I pray for other people’s kindness.

Most of all, I pray for the Lord’s healing hands.

Notes from G.M.

I only realized last Sunday that my son has indeed grown-up. No matter if I have to shop for a new set of pajamas twice in a matter of 6 months as he was getting taller everyday, I just did not notice it. Even when he picked up Grisham’s A Time to Kill and reads the cover and copyright page with the proper pronunciation and crisp tone, I still did not notice. I was taken aback with pride of course, I thought “Wow! He reads perfectly." Still, I did not acknowledge it to the fact that he has grown up, after all he just turned 6 last August. When you’re a Mom or a Dad, I guess you are in complete denial that your once tiny baby is growing up before your eyes and you just can't process it as fast as it happens. Well that was not until Sunday…

While waiting for Dada in the parking lobby, Sharkboy (SB)and Baby Diva (BD) asked for their new books. A little girl with an angel’s face about my sons’ age suddenly approached our bench and sat beside them. It’s really cool to be a kid, you make and become friends in a heartbeat, and she was getting along well with SB and BD browsing through SB’s dinosaur book. After 10 minutes or so, Angelface gets bored, gets up and walks away, my SB takes notice and gets up from his seat as well and exclaims, “Hey! Do you want me to read to you the names of the dinosaurs?” I could not keep myself from chuckling. SB got a pick-up line and what can I say? T'was good and somewhat geeky but still it was good. He has indeed grown up. Did he get Angelface to go back? That’s another story.

vivi, ama e ridi,

Note from P.Ink

P.Ink is in hibernation. She is buried under a lot of concerns and pressures. She hopes to get out of it as soon as possible. It looks like she's taking her adult role too seriously but she hopes to get back in shape and be P.Ink again (who does more than ponder but also resolves to make time for herself.)